Or Would You Rather Get a Job?[CD]
OR WOULD I RATHER GET A JOB? Well, which of these want ads do you think I answered? ROCKET SCIENTIST Seeking multiple PHD candidate w/ phys & math bkgrnd for design work in nuclear missles. Hi-responsibility position w/ fate of Free World on your shldrs. Gd salry & benef. ^#^until next economic downturn Fax resume to 191-523-8188 SOFTWARE DESIGNER Startup internet firm seeks single-minded focussed go-getter to work 90 hr. ^#^weeks. $18K/yr + stock options. Your success and ours are linked. Extensive knowledge of C+++, Sybase, Unix, Java, HTML, and FORTRAN IV a must. E-mail resume to firstname.lastname@example.org TELEMARKETING Seeking thick-skinned candidates who do not mind interrupting people's dinners to sell them stuff they don't need. Scruples, conscience, or Intelligible English speech not a requirement. Call 212-555-8181. FOLK SINGER Career opportunity. Extnsv. ^#^trvl. Lng. ^#^hours. Perks incldg fst food mls & accommod. ^#^in sleeping bags & bck seats. Salry in hi 4-figures. No bnfts. Meet intrstg people & co-wrkrs. Substantial job satisfctn & othr non-financial rwards. BILL COLLECTOR Multi-national organization seeks large persuasive individuals to encourage payment of past debts. Prison record is no obstacle. Apply in person at Angelo's Bar & Grill, 25 S. 8th St. Ask for Vinny. JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER Major metropolitan Board of Education seeks candidates for 7th thru 9th grade teachers. $22K start up to 25K after 20 yrs. ^#^exp. Excellent vacation schedule. Must be able to handle classes of 30-40 pupils. Background in social work, family crisis management and small-arms expertise reqd. State certification, knowledge of course material, or HS diploma a plus. Fax resume to 604-555-2880 SENIOR SALES ASSOCIATE High profile position with nationwide food service corporation. The right candidate can advance to management position in 2 years. Must have superior spatula technique, and be able to say phrases like "Would you like that super-size?" repeatedly for hours without committing mayhem. Stop into any of our branch offices and fill out an application. OFFICE MANAGER Seeking organized person to manage Engineering office. Must be able to type 60WPM, read engineers' handwriting, translate from technical pidgin English to comprehensible prose, correct design errors, and deal with engineers. $24K pls benefits. 973-555-4004.
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