Sebastian works for lazy frenemies Rosetta (Reno) and Professor Morey (Mink Stole) translating dead romance languages. He lives with his roommate Ida, a cyber-chick agoraphobic nudist who idealizes Hippo, a Boy George look-alike she's only ever met on-line. Ida's Aunt Gertrude, misunderstanding their BFF relationship, wills the house to Ida and her husband, Sebastian. Not actually being married, Ida discovers she could lose her home to her Aunt's dog, Noodles the poodle! Ida decides to seek out exotic Hippo, whom she has only seen in pictures. Meanwhile, Sebastian offers to sacrifice his gayness by marrying Ida. They head to the desert to get married and save the house. A now love-struck Hippo is soon on Ida's trail while Sebastian's bickering bosses, in desperate need of the manuscript Sebastian has been working on, join the pursuit. What follows is a high camp road race on a collision course with an international Mafia hotel scam, a dog-napping, and most outrageous of all, a dye job gone wild!